My House

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity


The analogy that C.S. Lewis uses in this quote was like an "ah-ha!' moment for me. I have been told for as long as I can remember that "Jesus is living inside me" or "your body is the temple for the Holy Spirit". I heard these things so often throughout my childhood that it either lost its meaning- or I simply was spacing out or daydreaming too much to fully process this statement. When I read this part of Mere Christianity I finally made the connections.


At first He starts out just fixing the small things that need to be fixed quickly. Then some of the bigger "projects" start to take place. Things that are harder to fix. He begins to tear down your "house" and it doesn't feel good. This is the part that seems to be the hardest for me, probably along with quite a few others. No one likes to be in pain, and no one likes feeling vulnerable. So when things that hurt badly start to take place, I personally begin to question things. Why would God be doing this? How is good going to come from this situation? It hurts, and I don't like it. I often feel uncomfortable and frankly, I don't like feeling uncomfortable.


Though it hurts sometimes, it is good to remember that God will never put you through more than He knows you can handle. He isn't hurting you, it just feels that way sometimes. In actuality, He is making something amazing out of you... a castle, or a palace, or something even more marvelous that Hogwarts (which is the most wonderful piece of architecture I can think of!).


Right now, I feel run down. I feel like that house on the corner that doesn't match any of the other houses in the neighborhood. The one that is just beginning the renovation process. The house that isn't quite sure what color it wants to be painted. But I will figure it out. I may never turn out to be the most fantastic house in the neighborhood, or even fit in with the rest of the houses, but what matters is that I am being fixed –slowly but surely, I am being fixed.

Life.

When I was fifteen years old, I was given an ex racehorse. Of course, I was ecstatic. I had always wanted a horse of my own. Going into it, I was a bit skeptical of it. He was very rambunctious, and high strung, I wasn't sure if this was something I was ready to take on. I worried about what I was getting myself into. But I took what I could get, even if it was an unruly, four year old nightmare.

The first six months that I had him, I spent literally everyday getting to know this thirteen hundred pound animal. He got to know me, and let me try out everything with him.

Things were going smoothly, I was more comfortable around my horse than I was with most people. I could sit in his stall and not worry about being stepped on, I could get on without a saddle and he carried me along without fail.

Just as I was 100% comfortable with this massive animal, he threw me off. Hard. Face first into a course sand arena at 30 mph. I guess he just decided he missed being a racehorse and ran for it. The thing is, the moment I fell off, he skidded to a halt and stood next to my body and just looked at me, probably thinking ''why are you on the ground, little human?'' I got back up, and got back on.

Sometimes life is like riding a horse. You are used to life, you have a routine and you do your thing. You think you know whats coming next, because you think you know life so well. Just as you get comfortable, life throws you on the ground. But it doesn't make much sense to just lay there on the ground. What will you accomplish there? Not nearly as much as if you climb back on and take the risks required to grow and learn.

Life is so unexpected, even when you know what to expect. Especially when you know what to expect. Sometimes it goes smoothly, and you feel like you know exactly what you're doing. Then- bam! Life kicks you in the head and gives you 13 stitches. But don't cry, instead sit in the grass, clean the blood off your boots, and laugh as you wait for the ambulance to come get you.

Litany

You are the music and the words
The lead guitar and the verse
You are the birds chirping away
And the soft november rain
You are the knit sweater in the winter
and the bare feet throughout summer.

However, you are not the commercial during my favorite program
The pencil shavings on the floor
Or the itch that cannot be reached
And you are certainly not the stale bag of chips
There is just no way you are the stale bag of chips.

It is possible that you are the wind in my hair
Maybe even my temporary wings
but you are not even close to being the mural on the wall.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
That I am neither the mud puddle outside
nor the untouched layer of snow.

It might interest you to know
Speaking of the aesthetics of life
That I am the waves crashing on the shore.

I also happen to be the crunchy leaves
The grass that has gotten too long
And the doodles on the math homework that got too confusing to finish.

I am also the elusive dragonfly
And the lost explorer
But don't worry, I'm not the music and the words
You are still the music and the words
You will always be the music and the words
Not to mention the lead guitar and somehow-- the verse.